Brit tourist who describes his looks as a ‘solid 7’ slammed over complaint about Australia
An English journalist has endured criticism after complaining about his time in Australia, and a blow that people seemed to find him less attractive Down Under.
Jack Kessler’s article for the Evening Standard was called “I thought I loved Australia – until I spent more than two weeks there.”
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In it, he complains that in London his looks mean he’s a “solid seven”, but in Australia everyone has such a “beach-ready body” that he’s only rated a five.
Jack Kessler said he was downgraded from a ‘7’ to a ‘5’ in Australia because he didn’t have a ‘beach ready body’. Credit: Twitter/Jack Kessler
“Everyone is beach body ready, so as a solid seven in London I’m relegated to a five, five and a half on a good hair day (which never happened, thanks to my sun hat),” he wrote.
“I took my shirt off at the pool and wanted to reassure the locals that I was actually in reasonable shape for London.”
His criticism did not stop there.
He went on to complain that you can’t get coffee after 3.30pm, suggests that every Australian man’s wardrobe is a thong and shorts, and notes that the “C word” is basically a “term of endearment”. .
Kessler said Australia was “a time machine, if not back to the womb, then maybe the mid-Noughties, just with Uber.”
Ah!
After a week of living in Sydney’s “bourgeois eastern shore, with its harbor views and sea breezes,” he began to “feel sorry for those who live in the suffocating western suburbs.”
Until he couldn’t get coffee 24-7, it seems, or until his thongs started giving him nasty blisters.
“And after a while it started to feel strange to live in a country that doesn’t have an independent nuclear deterrent,” he added.
What do you say?
He said then that after two weeks Sydney “started to feel small” and he wondered if he might have to go to New Zealand.
Jack Kessler said Sydney started to feel a little small after a while. Credit: Michael Dunning/Getty Images
“My theory is the country is just too nice to live in,” he then said rather paradoxically – right after noticing what he didn’t like about life here.
“Aussies suffer from the less spotted high-income trap.
“I was ready to come home.”
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After the article was published, Aussies – and some non-Aussies – came out in fierce defense of the Land Down Under, scoffing at Kessler’s criticism and pointing out that London didn’t exactly top any lists of the world’s most liveable cities.
“Pasty Englishman lives in Sydney’s most expensive beachside suburbs and develops an insecurity complex, possibly triggered by a lack of coffee after 3pm, and fear of a one-sided nuclear war,” one person joked.
A British visitor to Australia said he found it difficult to get a coffee after 3.30pm. File image. Credit: The Photo Commune/Getty Images
“I often judge my vacation destinations based on their independent nuclear deterrent offerings, to be honest,” said another.
One Londoner said they moved to Australia in 2007 and it was “the best thing ever”.
“The nice clean fresh air and sea views and sandy beaches were no match for the gloom or the dense air of the London Underground,” noted another.
But it seems the line most people struggled with was Kessler’s bold claim that he was definitely “a 7” at home in the UK.
A comment left on the Evening Standard’s Twitter. Credit: Twitter/Jack Kessler
One person clearly poked at Australia’s criticism, writing: “I think the funniest of the many hilariously ridiculous statements this man makes in this article is that he thinks he’s a 7 in London (or, indeed, anywhere !)”
That one didn’t slip through the net, with Kessler retweeting it.
“Commenters on the Evening Standard Facebook page are adamant that I am not a ‘seven’ in any time zone,” he wrote.
“Brutal business, this.”
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